June 2022

For everything, there is a season……

10 years ago, I found myself in a situation that I never thought possible.

I remember wondering, how this had happened to me of all people.

There was no time or place for false pride, incapacity, or arrogance, there was a simple need and I had no option but to put on my “big girl panties”, and do what needed to be done.

I had to be brave, take the risk, and believe in myself. I certainly did not have it all figured out, but I had to move forward irrespective.

Taking a deep breath, and saying a prayer for protection, and guidance I ventured out into a world totally new and unknown to me.

I prided myself on being uniquely different to most ladies you would call on, both physically and in how I processed the given situation. Apart from the obvious, where I was more mature and deliciously bodacious.  As you know, I never counted the cash, never asked for more than my advertised rate, and never offered extras for more compensation. I had my own personal boundaries and rules and never strayed from them. I think that is how I kept everything in relative perspective. I consider myself very lucky, that money has never been my motivator in life, so one's opulence has never impressed me. Being surrounded by good people has always outweighed material objects. As a result, I was not tempted to overindulge myself or get lost in the deception that escorting was the quickest way to make money. (There are consequences to every life choice.) The extra cash was always nothing more than a means to an end and at that time a definite necessity. Thankfully, that time has now passed, and on the very rear occasion where I have agreed to entertain, it has been more for the companionship and no longer the need for extra supplementary income previously needed.

To not lose myself, or perspective I always was open and honest with everyone, maintaining, that you cannot be in a personal relationship in this industry, as it is not fair on the other person.

All that being said, I have covered the past, and this brings me to the present.

After meeting so many interesting people.  I have been truly blessed, having the privilege of meeting a really awesome man, who has a beautiful soul. Not self-absorbed, or arrogant, simply a wonderful humble human being.  He effortlessly ticked every box of what I wanted in a lover. Someone who literally gave my heart butterflies, and made my head spin from the simplest of kisses.

So, in an effort to show him how committed I was, to make this work. I immediately closed down my site.

Sadly, as it turns out this was not meant to be. It was a stunning, passionate, unique, marvellous whirlwind romance.

You know the type, …. the one that just seems freaking perfect in every way, where everything clicks into place, with absolutely no effort, leaving memories for a lifetime, of what was sadly not to be.

I have an increasable admiration and total respect, for this man that turned my world upside down, during this fleeting, intense romance. He never lied, nor did he lead me on. Instead, as soon as he saw where the relationship was going, was open, upfront and blatantly honest. 

With zero regrets I can honestly say, that I am left in awe of this experience, those 2 weeks with him, taught me a lesson, that no amount of life coaching could, and have opened my life to the next chapter.

After he suddenly, pulled the rug out from under me. stating that he could no longer be with me, confirming he was not prepared to commit to me. My brain came hurdling out of its blissful happy place, and my ass hit the ground hard.

My mind immediately went to, commitment = making long-term plans, (ridiculous I know, as a commitment by definition, is so much more) anyway,  I was quick to defend that I had never asked for that, after all. I was very content with my life, exactly as it was, and we had only been together a couple of weeks. 

After the initial WTF moment, doing some serious soul searching, analysing, over analysing, crashing, burning, and embarrassingly making a total fool of myself. I  finally rationally broke it all down. Only then did I realise, that in fact, I did ask for a commitment. One of monogamy, and sexual fidelity. He had the insight, and was perceptive enough, to realise what I wanted long before I even did, and he had the integrity to tell me, that he could not commit to what I wanted. For that, even though it hurt like a bitch, he has my absolute respect. 

With new clarity, I had to wonder, why is it that I am so possessive, making such demands? This is the theory I have come up with.

For 10 years I have been every man’s mistress. their muse, their fantasy, and the one that satisfied their physical needs. For one hour, or two they belonged to me,  and then I gave them back, with no regard for my own emotions. In this industry, there is no regard for one's self, you are there for one purpose only. To make the experience a memorable one for them.

Now seeing someone for my own pleasure and not business. 

For the first time in as long as I can remember,  I felt the warmth of laying in someone’s arms all night, simply because they wanted me. It was amazing, not showing myself out the door as soon as their needs were satisfied, saying "until next time". The pride of them holding my hand in public, and not being discreetly hidden behind closed doors. The tingling pleasure of his feather-light kisses in the elevator, simply because he found me intoxicating, the excitement of collecting him at the airport, touching affectionately, and stealing passionate glances, as we drove in the car, in the anticipation of passionately making love after being separated for any period of time, the silent caresses down his leg whilst he treated me to delicious lemon meringue pie at the corner coffee shop, saying without saying, "you are special to me" and the comfort of his arms wrapping around me, and kissing my neck, as I did something as simple as making coffee, knowing, he is mine, and I am his. Nothing complicated, simple actions that demonstrated, that he appreciated me and that I did matter to him.

I now realise, how much I crave the passion, and perfection of this blissful state of being content. What to others seems like a normal life, that which I will never take for granted, because, I now know, these are the magical moments that make loving someone so very special. 

The lesson, that I learned, from this man and the whole experience. Which I accept, I am still very much infatuated by. (Time heals everything) brings me to the monumental change, that I have decided to make to my current lifestyle. Simply put. The seasons have changed, and I want more, I want to give more, I want to take more, and I want to be more.

The realisation, that I am now at the point in my life where I don’t want to be something to everyone, but rather everything to someone.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that previously, I had closed the site down for him. Now I am closing it down for myself. 

Whilst this may be the end for Synclair.

It is the point in my personal story where I am about to turn the page and write the next chapter, knowing that it’s going to be awesome.   

In saying goodbye to my life as Synclair, I want to say:

To the gentlemen, that called on me, and I selected to see over the past years, especially those that became regulars. I extend my most sincere gratitude, you made it so much easier than I expected. Each and every one of you was an absolute gentleman, many of you sent beautiful sincere reviews, and your kindness and generous donations got me to where I needed to be. For this, I will be eternally grateful. The best part is, I know, that you will wish me well going forward.

Looking back. I have absolutely no regrets. Whilst I had not consciously chosen this life detour, I met so many wonderful, fascinating people.

Now, older and wiser, I appreciate, that every single thing that has happened in my life, every single experience, has brought me to this precise point where I am now, and this is exactly where I need to be.

All that is left to say, is: If you were one of the gents, thank you for trusting in me, It was a pleasure being a part of your journey, and I am so glad that you were part of mine. 

“Thank you.”.

Yours truly